Archive for June, 2014

Have you ever found yourself held back from something amazing due to a fear? Of course you had no idea at the time that what was on the other side of that monstrous dread was a beautiful realization of what you were meant to be. Had you known that, maybe it would have been a little easier to take that first step.  Looking back at one fear I had, is just like that. The fear of going back to school cluttered my head with self doubt and stuffed my gut with disappointment, strife and anxiety. It was something I just did not believe I could ever do and up until this point, I never even gave it a second thought. I gave up without ever trying; I bought the lie, took what seemed to be the easier route and accepted less than I should have.

In 2004 I was working as a teacher’s aid and the thought came to mind, I need more education to help others. Whoa, did I just think that? Are you crazy, you cannot do that, you know how hard school is for you. So the whirl wind of negativity began playing a long forgotten but familiar tune in my mind as my palms began to sweat, my face turned red hot, my eyes swelled and my heart ached with self defeat. Every time this thought re-entered my mind I shot it down and went about my business. One afternoon I had been praying and asking God for his direction. My desire was still to be used by God, to fill whatever purpose meant for me. My desire was to be real, to be someone, to be whole and to be set free. The question was, “how do I do that”? Simply and peacefully, a question was asked like a breeze blowing softly by, “What are you afraid of”? As though someone zapped me with a stun gun I stopped in my tracks and all my mental anguish began running rampant once again. Lifting my head slowly, I whispered back, “School”.

Something to ponder:

  • Where does fear come from?
  • Why do we allow fear to dictate our lives and layout our future?
  • What is on the other side of your “Monstrous Dread?”

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People often ask, “What made you decide to become a  massage therapist?” This of course is a valid question to ask and one you would think is simple to answer. On the surface I could reply that I felt led to it or that I have always been a tactile, hands-on type of person who loves people.  All of these are true, but I also am a person who likes to get to the heart of the matter and go just a little deeper. How I became a licensed massage therapist did not happen by chance and it did not happen overnight. It took time to accept, time to open my mind and time to develop courage to face fears, to fail, to learn, and to grow.

In July 2003 I remember driving my three young children for the first time to family camp. The three kids and I were filled with excitement, smiles on our faces; sun shining through the windows. The breeze was lightly blowing and the tunes playing loud as we sang along. It was then that I heard my song, “This is My Desire” by Jeremy Camp. I call it my song because it spoke to my heart. It was everything I longed for. As a stay at home mom without any college education I did not know what “my desire” entailed or where my desires would even take me. All I knew was that in the morrow of my being, my desire was to give my heart to God, to follow His direction and in return, God would us me for His perfect purpose. I was willing to take whatever steps I needed to, no matter what they were, to become whatever God had planned.

Something to think about and search your own hearts;

  • Do you know what your desires are?
  • Do you have fears?
  • What might those fears be keeping you from?

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